Forgiveness

GS080 - Forgiveness

(Mat. 18.21-35 also Mat. 18.15-20)

Begin with an all-age presentation of the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant, (see Living Stones (A) p203).

Last week on Radio 4 I heard someone quoting from G.K. Chesterton:

"The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult; and left untried."

(Oxford Dictionary of Quotations, p199/23).

He wrote that in 1910, and if it was true of society then, it is certainly true for our society today.

(repeat it)

And I think that if there is one area in which the Christian ideal is particularly difficult, ...then that is in the area of forgiveness.

It was an area that Jesus spoke a lot about. Earlier in Matthew's gospel, chapter 6, we see him teaching his disciples the Lord's Prayer:

"Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us."

And then Jesus drives the point home very clearly:

"If you do not forgive other people their sins, then God will not forgive you for your sins." (Mat 6.15 paraphrase).

I can just imagine the disciples talking amongst themselves about this when Jesus wasn't listening.

"It's all very well Jesus saying that we've got to forgive people, ...but there have got to be limits.

I mean, Jesus has obviously never met my friend David, (well he was my friend). The lies he spread about me were disgusting. I felt so humiliated. ...I've forgiven him now, and it was very hard, ...but if he ever did anything like that to me again...

I mean, ...if someone keeps on sinning against you, you have to draw the line somewhere. You can't just act like a doormat, ...can you?.

And so in our gospel reading we see Peter, acting as the spokesman for the group, and going up to Jesus.

"Lord, just exactly how many times do I have to forgive someone when he sins against me? Once? Twice? Five times? ...Seven times?"

I don't think Peter could ever imagine anyone forgiving someone more than seven times.

And Jesus answers, ..."there is no limit".

I can just imagine the expression on Peter's face, ...and whether he said it or not, I can imagine what he was thinking ..."That's just so UNFAIR!".

And I think we can all see where Peter is coming from, can't we?

It is unfair.

When people do something particularly bad, they don't deserve to be forgiven, ...do they? To forgive them once is bad enough, ...but to keep on forgiving them, is very unfair.

But Jesus has this knack of turning things on their head.

"So you want things to be fair? ...do you Peter? ...Well in that case, do you want God to be fair with you?

(pause)

"Do you want God's forgiveness of your sins to be limited to seven?"

(pause)

That was the point that Jesus was making in the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant, that we heard earlier.

God will use the same rules of forgiveness towards us, as we use towards others. Now that's fair!

Now I'm sure that all of us have had plenty of opportunities to put this teaching into practice. Is there anyone here who has never been hurt by someone else?

I thought not.

Well I guess, like me, you've discovered that it's fairly easy to forgive someone who's only hurt us a little, ...but when it comes to bigger things, it can get a great deal harder.

Is that right?

Some time ago I was conned out of a few hundred pounds. And I felt very hurt.

Now I know that there are people here this morning who have been hurt by someone in ways much worse than that, ...but if you will allow me use this relatively trivial example, I want us to explore why forgiveness can be so difficult.

The first thing I felt was betrayed. The person had come to me for some help, ...and I had trusted him. I could see that he had a need, and I had tried to help. And I felt very let down when I discovered that he wasn't genuine.

The second thing I felt was anger. We don't have a lot of money, and I'm normally very careful with it. If I need to buy anything I will normally shop around, ...and If I can save £10 I'm very pleased. But for quite a while, whenever I saved money the thought would come into my mind, ..."I've saved £10 on this, ...but that's nothing compared with the money I was conned out of". And I'd get this sudden sinking feeling, ...and feel very angry.

The third thing was that I found it hard to forgive myself. I blamed myself for being so foolish. I went over and over the circumstances in my mind, and each time I would think, "If only I'd checked this, ...if only I'd said that, ...if only I'd done the other." And so my thoughts would swing like a pendulum, ... one minute I'd be blaming the person who conned me, ...the next I'd be blaming myself, ...and then back again.

But the thing that I found most difficult was the dent it put in my pride. You often hear about gullible people who get conned out of their money. I always felt very sorry for them, ...and it hurt my pride to discover that I was one of these gullible people, ...I didn't like that!

Now, as I said earlier, compared to what other people have faced, this must seam a very trivial example, ...but it serves to illustrate the fact that when someone sins against us, we're not just hurt in one way, but in several ways. And all these different feelings make it hard for us to forgive that person.

Sometimes the path to forgiveness can be a long and painful one, with many stages along the way. At the beginning we may have not the least desire to forgive, ...later on we may reach the point of wanting to forgive, but not being able to, ...a bit further we may be able to forgive with our head, but not with our heart.

But it's a journey that God will travel with us, if we ask him, ...and he will help us along the way.

But there is much confusion about the nature of true forgiveness, ...and this can hinder our journey. So I want to finish by looking at two important principles which we can gain from the verses just before today's reading.

Matthew 18.15-17

Jesus said, "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen to the even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector."

The first principle is this:

To forgive someone does not mean that we have to pretend they were right, nor to excuse what they have done.

Perhaps we should accept a portion of the blame ourselves, ...perhaps the person who hurt us acted out of desperation, or some other reason.

But we need to accept that what the other person did to us was wrong. It might be understandable, but it was still wrong. And yet despite that, we choose to forgive them.

The second principle is this:

To forgive someone does not mean that we should do nothing about it.

We don't have to become a door mat. In these verses Jesus gave some very practical advice about how to treat people who persist in hurting us. In the end it might even reach the point that we decide not to have any more to do with them.

It's very sad when relationships break down to such an extent, ...but even then we are called to love, and to forgive that person.

Forgiveness is not easy.

But at the end of the day, if we refuse to forgive someone it is us who suffers. I've come across many people whose lives have been ruined because they refused to let go of the resentment they have for someone, and to forgive them.

In some cases the hurt they received was horrendous, ...and I can understand why they can't forgive. Nevertheless, they've suffered even more by refusing to forgive.

If there's someone that you can't forgive, can I suggest that you ask God to help you along the way.

You may find it helpful to find a quiet moment and read again today's gospel reading, (Matthew 18).

You may find it helpful to talk it through with someone, (and I for one would be very happy to listen in total confidence).

But whatever you do, don't let unforgiveness ruin your life.